Love bombing is when someone overwhelms you with excessive affection, attention, or admiration with the intention of later manipulating you. The flattery typically takes place early in a relationship. The person doing it may be trying to gain control or make you dependent on them. 

If you’re not aware of the signs, you might mistake love bombing for genuine affection. New, healthy relationships can contain emotional highs and grand gestures. But in love bombing, these actions are intended to make you easier to manipulate later in the relationship. It may be hard to tell the difference, especially when dealing with covert narcissists, who may love bomb in more subtle ways.

Here are some common examples of what love bombing can look like in relationships and how it might be experienced in various situations.

Love bombing in romantic relationships

Romantic relationships are seen as the most common context for love bombing. Intense displays of affection are fairly common in new relationships, so love bombing can be particularly deceptive and hard to spot.

Excessive flattery and praise

A new partner constantly showers you with compliments, calling you “perfect” and “the most amazing person they’ve ever met.” The attention is intoxicating, and you start to crave their approval and validation. Without realizing it, you begin to prioritize their opinions and desires over your own. Eventually they withhold their compliments, only praising you if you act how they like.

Overwhelming communication

Your new crush texts you constantly throughout the day. Later in the relationship, they become upset if you don’t respond quickly. You find yourself constantly checking your phone, worrying that you might disappoint them or cause them to lose interest in the relationship. As a result, you begin sacrificing your time with friends and family to prioritize your new partner’s demand for attention.

Grand gestures and excessive gifts

Early in a new relationship, your partner surprises you with elaborate dates to some of the best restaurants and venues in town. While it feels incredible at first, a small part of you wonders if it’s too much. Your partner doesn’t listen to your concerns, and you find yourself feeling increasingly indebted. Eventually your partner starts to bring up “how much you owe them” whenever you fight or have disagreements.

Rapid acceleration of intimacy

Within weeks of dating, your new partner starts talking about moving in together and getting married soon. This whirlwind of intimacy feels exhilarating, but you feel you’re being swept along faster than you’re comfortable with. Your partner pressures you to meet your family and introduces you to theirs. Once they befriend your family members, they pressure you to hide any relationship issues you’re having from them. You feel like you’ve been cut off, worried that your family will take your partner’s side in disagreements.

If you think you may be dealing with love bombing, or any other form of manipulation, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. A licensed therapist can provide guidance and support as you navigate this situation. 

If someone’s treatment of you has crossed the line into abuse, help is available. Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline anytime, 24/7 by calling 1-800-799-7233 or texting START to 88788.

Love bombing in friendships

Many of the patterns in the examples above can appear in friendships as well. That said, love bombing can sometimes be harder to recognize in friendships because of the different expectations society places on platonic relationships. 

Over-involvement in your personal life

After you go through a difficult breakup, a friend offers constant support and advice, calling and texting you multiple times a day. They act interested in your love life and ask endless questions. As a result, they discover all your vulnerabilities and insecurities. Later, they use this information to manipulate you, making you feel isolated and unworthy.

Planning elaborate experiences

Your new friend hosts lavish dinner parties and pressures you to attend. They shower you with attention at these events, making you feel valued and important. But later in the relationship, they point to the parties as proof of how much they’ve invested in the friendship. They claim you “owe” them and haven’t proven how much you care. This creates feelings of guilt and obligation, making it challenging to set boundaries.

Creating exclusivity and dependency

Someone you’ve recently befriended quickly labels you their “best friend.” They plan fun outings and drop by often, until you find you’re together more often than not. You have a lot in common and at first you feel seen and special. But they soon become jealous when you spend time with other friends without them. They pressure you to prioritize them, making you feel guilty and conflicted. You find yourself canceling plans with other friends to avoid upsetting them.

Love bombing in family relationships

Family relationships can also be susceptible to love bombing. It may appear in subtle and complex forms due to emotional ties and expectations inherent in family relationships.

Giving and withholding praise

When a child receives excellent grades on their report card, their parent showers them with excessive praise and attention. The child’s accomplishments are discussed at length and shared on social media. But even when the child receives the same marks on their next card, the parent withholds their praise. The child craves the same recognition they received previously, but knows they won’t receive it unless they live up to whatever new standard their parent sets.

Generosity with strings attached

An aunt frequently offers extravagant gifts and financial help to her nieces and nephews. She claims to offer them without conditions because it makes her happy, but expects constant gratitude and compliance with her wishes. The nieces and nephews find themselves feeling indebted and unable to make their own decisions without fear of disappointing their aunt or losing her support.

Love bombing in professional settings

Love bombing isn’t limited to personal relationships. It can also occur in the workplace, where it may be even harder to recognize and address.

Rapid promotion of ideas

A new manager enthusiastically endorses all your suggestions in team meetings, praising your innovative thinking. They help push you into the spotlight and praise your creativity. Over time, you start noticing that they’re taking credit for some of your ideas with higher-ups. When you try to speak to them about it, they act betrayed. They ask why you would accuse them when they’ve always been so supportive.

Promises of career advancement

A senior executive starts mentoring you and fast-tracks your career with rapid promotions and opportunities. At first, they make you feel valued and important. But slowly, the executive begins making unreasonable demands. They expect you to take on their work and do personal favors for them. You work longer hours, neglecting your personal life. When you try to establish boundaries, they accuse you of being thankless. The line between professional development and exploitation blurs, and you worry your career will stall without their support.

Offering excessive help or support

At your new job, a colleague offers to assist with your tasks, seemingly eager to help you succeed. A few weeks later, you notice they’ve been gathering information about your work methods. They’ve copied your work style and stolen credit for developing it. When you bring this up with them, they claim that you wouldn’t be here without all the help they gave you when you first started. You doubt your own value and feel powerless to resolve the problem.

Love bombing on social media

Social media platforms have become a new arena for love bombing, where excessive attention and affection can be displayed publicly and persistently. While it takes places virtually, the emotional impacts can feel just as real and present.

Excessive liking or commenting

You accepted a new acquaintance’s friend request on Facebook. Suddenly, they’re liking and commenting on all your posts, even old ones. Their engagement feels flattering but quickly becomes overwhelming. When they message you asking why you don’t like and comment on their posts, it becomes clear that they care a lot about how they appear online. You feel awkward, embarrassed, and pressured to do what they ask.

Oversharing personal moments in your relationship

Your new partner constantly posts intimate details and photos of your relationship on social media. At first you find it endearing, but it soon becomes uncomfortable. They stop asking for your consent to post, and you feel pressured to maintain a perfect online image. When you try to address issues in your relationship or set boundaries, they act shocked. They point to the social media posts as evidence of your good relationship. You feel that no one will believe you if you reveal the unflattering realities of your relationship.

How to respond to love bombing

It can be challenging to recognize love bombing in the moment. If you suspect someone is love bombing you, trust your instincts. Set healthy boundaries and seek outside perspectives from trusted friends or family members.

If you find yourself dealing with a potential love bomber, consider the following steps:

1. Slow down the pace of the relationship. If someone is pushing for rapid commitment, gently explain that you prefer to take things slowly. This gives you more time to assess the direction of the relationship.
2. Set clear boundaries. Communicate your needs and limits respectfully but firmly. Be prepared to enforce these boundaries.
3. Maintain your independence. Continue pursuing your own interests, friendships, and goals outside of any one relationship.
4. Practice self-reflection. Regularly check in with yourself about how you’re feeling and whether your needs are being met.
5. Seek professional help if needed. If you’re struggling to navigate a potentially manipulative relationship, consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who can provide personalized guidance.

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